How a Horrible Toe Accident Taught Me to Relax and Breathe

 

On May 1, my family and I went to S&R after my son's lesson. I asked my husband to order from Yellow Cab. He's on the spectrum, so he said to just order when we get home. But by the end of the groceries, I was feeling hungry, so my son and I went to Yellow Cab. It took over 40 minutes for our order to be prepared. I think they forgot about it. When I followed up, it took only 10 minutes for my order to show up. They told me that there were pizzas in the lineup, but I told them that the customers who arrived after us already had their orders. Anyway, please get your act together, Yellow Cab Circuit. 

Shakey's is next door, and I thought we could order some mojos. I opened the door, but it was heavy, so I pulled it more forcefully, but it hit my toe. It felt painful, but I have a high threshold and didn't mind it. My son and I went inside. Before I sat, I looked down and saw blood oozing out of my toe. I sat for a bit, got some tissues, and tried to stop the bleeding. I told my son that we should go. I made it until Max's and sat in their outside dining area. That's when I felt everything rushing in - the intense pain, blood sugar dropping, histamine flare from the heat. I called my husband to fetch us. I tried to stop the bleeding again. This time I was successful, but I was fighting to stay awake. I drank a little water and crushed a Mentos between my teeth, so I can get sugar slowly into my system. I made sure the Mentos was stuck in case I pass out. I didn't want to choke on it. 

The Shakey's door that caused the accident. That gold trim scraped my toe and left me with 3 bleeding wounds

I triaged myself (I'm a trained first aider). Thought about calling the mall medics, but I also knew that my body might pass out because it felt safe to do so. I was alone with my child, so my brain was telling my body not to black out. Finally, my husband arrived. I was still dizzy and on the verge of passing out, but the Mentos was helping. After several minutes, I was able to inch my way to S&R's parking lot and ride the car home. 

Back home, I immediately washed it with sodium chloride and inspected the damage. The nail cracked. It was a long crack. There's bleeding from the inside, and 2 more wounds on top of the toe itself. The toe was also bruised and swelled up a little. 

I walk around with a quad cane. The toe has healed a lot, but the nail is still cracked, and movement is still limited. 

But this accident taught me a lot of things. Before this accident, I already got sick with vertigo from reflux and colds. And I never get colds or flu. So, I was thinking why. After just a couple of days in recovery, I started to go back to my hectic routine. I think that first illness was God's way of telling me to slow down. But I didn't. So this time, God didn't whisper. He shouted. In my case, it was in the form of a stubbed toe.

Hard.

That toe injury forced me to stop. No more rushing. No more driving. At first, I hated it. I felt weak, unproductive, dependent.

But then something shifted.

I started booking Grab rides because I'm not allowed to drive.  Yes, it costs more. But we arrive fresh. Relaxed. If we take a Grab, we can get off at the entrance that leads to an escalator to the school. We don't have to walk far under the blazing sun.  And when I get home, I still have energy to work on the things I love — like writing, designing, and building the life I’ve dreamed of. I also still have the energy to prepare dinner. Whereas before, we would have to order food. So, you see, even though  Grab is more expensive, ordering food is still more expensive, even with this new added expense. I not only save money, but I also save energy and my sanity. 

And the biggest gift of all?

I brought back our mini dates.

Just me and my son — roaming the mall for 2 hours after lessons. Before the pandemic, this was our thing. But life got busy. I forgot. And if it wasn’t for this toe accident, I wouldn’t have thought to bring it back.

Those 2 hours? They’re golden.

He holds my hand. We try new snacks. We laugh at silly finds in Daiso.

It’s not extravagant, but it’s everything.

This tiny pause, brought about by pain, reminded me of something I didn’t know I had lost: the joy of presence. With myself. With my child. With this season of life.

So the next time something inconvenient stops you in your tracks, ask yourself:

What is this making space for?

Because sometimes, what feels like an interruption is actually a redirection — back to the things that matter most.

Read more about why it's important to go on dates with your son here.